In My Own Words
I’m the “relationships guy,” a natural-born relater off the streets of Brooklyn — ready to connect with anyone, anytime, anywhere, about anything. And I listen, too.
I’ve been studying relationships since I was five years old. Even then I noticed the stark difference between people who were close and connected and those who were disconnected and at odds. The tension was palpable. That early sensitivity became my compass, and at 25, choosing a career as a therapist focused on relationships was a no-brainer.
I always sensed that my wellbeing revolved around being understood. If I was understood, I was okay; if not, not. Simple as that. That need was rarely met, and I spent much of my life longing for it — and feeling bad about myself for as long as it went unmet. I had a relationship with my Self long before I knew I had one.
Dating to Relate
Early in my career, working with people in early recovery, I kept running into the same obstacle — theirs and mine. As great as their need for connection was, no one knew how to connect. So, I created Dating to Relate, a one-of-a-kind workshop that combined dating and therapy.
Its breakthrough was the post-date debriefing. Members who went out with each other came back to the group to talk openly about the experience — whether they’d see each other again, and why. Eighty debriefings over two years became the research behind my first book, Dating: A Guide to Creating Intimate Relationships (1992), written for anyone who wants to learn how to connect the first time they meet someone.
The Relationship Model of Addiction™
My work with people recovering from every kind of addiction led me to create The Relationship Model of Addiction™ (TRMA™). It redefines addiction not as a disease, but as a relationship — a relationship with a means of relief from the pain of unmet emotional needs.
Recovery, in turn, is a three-stage journey out of non-nourishing relationships and into nourishing ones:
- Stage I — Breaking Up with the means of relief
- Stage II — Developing the Relationship with Self
- Stage III — Creating Nourishing Relationships
The stages are sequential. Breaking up opens the space to develop the relationship with your Self, which readies you to learn how to create nourishing relationships. TRMA™ is the foundation of my book Demystifying Addiction: To Relieve the Pain (2006) and the five-book series The Relationship Model of Addiction: A New Paradigm for Understanding Addiction and Recovery.
The Miracle of Connection
My latest book, The Miracle of Connection: The Birth and Life of an Intimate Relationship (2024), is a relationship-training boot camp for anyone hungry for deep, lasting connection. Its core message is simple: you can’t connect if you’re not connected. It celebrates the sacred space of co-creation where connections are conceived and relationships are born.
What I Believe
You can only connect with others to the extent you’re connected within yourself. In every session I point people back to themselves: What are you thinking? What are you feeling? What do you want? What’s your experience? With that awareness, they bring more of themselves to their relationships — and others connect more with them.
Intimacy isn’t only romantic. I champion platonic intimacy — the quality of connection that makes any close relationship nourishing: partners, parents and children, siblings, friends, and anyone you want to feel closer to.
Connecting is a co-creative art. Connecting, communicating, and conversing must be understood, practiced, and honed until they become second nature.
The cause is the cure. What brings people to therapy almost always comes down to the difference between nourishing and non-nourishing relationships. Understanding and connection are the most powerful healing forces I know.
My job is to facilitate the conversations that need to be had. I create a safe space for the highly charged feelings and issues people have long avoided — often so they can talk about them for the first time.
It’s never too late. Whatever your history, you can build a solid core of nourishing relationships, beginning with the one with your Self.
My Dharma
For Fellow Practitioners
For 40 years I’ve wanted to make a lasting contribution to relationship therapy and to the practitioners who share my passion for it. If you want to enrich your relational framework, there are three ways we can work together:
Consultation. One-on-one conversations about your cases and about bringing a relational lens, including The Relationship Model of Addiction™, into your practice.
Training. Workshops and trainings for you, your team, or your organization in TRMA™ and in the skills of connecting, communicating, and conversing.
Books for Clinicians. My books offer fresh perspective, an expanded repertoire of interventions, and psychoeducation you can share with clients to empower them to transform their relationships.
Credentials & Media
- Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, California License MU17435
- M.A. in Integral Counseling Psychology, California Institute of Integral Studies (1981)
Author of Dating: A Guide to Creating Intimate Relationships (1992), Demystifying Addiction: To Relieve the Pain (2006), The Miracle of Connection (2024), and the five-book series The Relationship Model of Addiction™.
As heard on:
- Susan Regan’s Changing Marriage podcast (“Different Ways of Healing,” June 2026)
- the Mums on a Mission Podcast (returning guest)
- the Julie Hatch Parenting Podcast
- Dr. Jim Bramson’s podcast
What Clients Say
“In one session, Daniel reached places we had struggled to access in years of therapy. Not only was it the first time we really talked to each other, but there was so much we had never said — we connected in a way we’d never done before. It was mind-blowing and we’re forever grateful.”Referred Client
“Daniel challenged me to grow, reflect, and heal in ways I did not think were possible. He brings profound care, insight, emotional authenticity, and decades of wisdom to his work.”Former Client
Work With Me
I offer individual, couples, and family therapy via Zoom statewide throughout California, and in person in Fallbrook, CA.