I recently finished your book, Intimacy, the Essence of True Love. There is so much to like about this book and so much wisdom in it.
Looking at intimacy as a "practice"...like meditation is a practice, or playing the harp puts a whole new spin on dating as a creative process or an art. It's something you work at that comes from commitment and if you keep at it, you become at least a craftsman and perhaps an artist.
Like you, I think having a great relationship depends upon particular skills. Unfortunately most of us have no one from which to learn those skills. Except in rare instances, our parents' marriages weren't characterized by deep intimacy and don't serve as models for us. Your book is an excellent guide to that skill set and provides guidance where it is otherwise lacking. It saddens me that people give up on their relationships or live together in unfulfilling ways, when so much is possible if you just know how...if you just follow the advice in your book.
Many of your definitions were right on target. I particularly liked this one: a relationship is dysfunctional when being true to yourself jeopardizes the relationship.
Your advice about relying so much on physical chemistry or sexual attraction in choosing a partner is compelling and so much what people need to hear because it is so common to fall into this trap. It always amazes me to see so many people depend on the rush of sexual excitement when, as you point out so clearly, it is not a solid foundation for a relationship.
Your principles are so simple and basic, when applied can counteract some of the most powerful forces affecting our experience. If you grew up in a healthy family, you may have a healthy “template” for attraction. But I know this is more the exception than the rule. I’m one of the others whose previous experience in relationships left me predisposed to sabotaging current and developing relationships.
For many years, my “templates” for attraction lead me to feel chemistry with the wrong people. To wit: my father was depressed. Earlier in my life, if you'd put me in a room with 30 men, 29 of whom were fully ready to love me and one who was depressed, the latter would have been a magnet for me. I would have ignored the 29 healthy men because I had great chemistry with the depressed one.
Thanks for writing a very useful, wise and easy-to-follow book!
-- Anne Lieberman
-- Business Consultant, Author of Making Money
Intimacy, The Essence of True Love is a fresh, insightful guide for developing a rich emotional closeness during every step of an ever-evolving relationship. Daniel Linder’s perspective is one that honors the creative process of relationships with vision, purpose and honesty as its heart. He identifies common destructive patterns and offers thought-provoking ideas for avoiding these pitfalls so that a relationship has a chance to develop and thrive. I recommend this book to anyone who recognizes that the way they have been approaching relationships hasn’t lead to the true love they yearn to create.
-- Susan Hanshaw, O.M.C. San Rafael, CA
-- Author of Unleashing Your Soul
Daniel Linder’s book Intimacy; The Essence of True Love is a blueprint for the recovering addict to understand how to begin to rebuild healthy relationships as the next step in the recovery process. This is a must read for anyone in recovery who wants to have a fulfilling and meaningful intimate relationship over time.
Linder provides many examples of relationship streets the recovering addict may go down where a hole exists and how not to fall in. He also provides examples of alternative relationship streets where the addict will find respect and acceptance, trust and a deep understanding.
-- Joan Marie Menke MA, MFT
-- Business and Life Coach
Linder's Book, Intimacy the Essence of True Love, offers a hopeful stance and practical advice for individuals looking to create healthy relationships. He teaches that it is possible for anyone to learn the necessary skills needed to maintain satisfying and meaningful relationships.
-- Bethany Miller, Psy.D.
-- Clinical Psychologist in private practice
“Linder convinces us to believe that applying these basic
principles could empower the recovering addict to transform the
quality of his or her relationships. We may draw inspiration
from his 'dare to apply' these basic principles for ourselves
and see whether they work and whether they’re true. These
are principles that would behoove all of us to at least consider.
For the treatment practitioner, Relational Recovery is
essential psycho-education material. Linder packs a huge amount
of ‘back
to basics’ information into a little space.”
-- Neil Kobrin, Ph.D
Mill Valley, CA
“ I'm done w/your book. I'd like to order 10 copies,
please. :)
I can't put how I feel after reading it into words...... It's
reassuring, wise, practical, caring, open-minded, straight
forward; something you perhaps knew, but reading it made you
think about..... I am very impressed and feel more enlightened
after reading it.
It makes me think about my past relationships and makes me
want to think back and analyze them to see why/what occurred
and how to be careful and avoid making mistakes!”
- Sima Boyce
Teacher, College of Marin, Kentfield, CA
No single person should be without Linder’s fascinating
insights about what really goes on between people when they
'date.' Relational
is not only easy to read, it is compelling and original. Linder
discusses all the things we need to know but were never taught.
His examples are so real and familiar; he speaks to the very
core of the issues single men and women deal with today. If
you are looking for true intimacy, don’t pass up
this book!”
- Susan Page, Author
If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?
