FAQ
Is codependency an addiction?
Codependency is an addiction, an addiction to another person. Just as an addict is driven by his need for relief through mind/mood-altering substances, the codependent person derives relief in the relationship s/he has with the addict. Codependency is putting someone else’s wants, needs, feelings and problems above one’s own, taking care of someone else, while neglecting oneself. The codependent’s judgment is impaired, s/he is out of control, and has a distorted view of the relationship. One is a sinking ship, the codependent stays on while the others would jump off. The co-dependent depends on others who are unable to provide or care for themselves. The addict’s problems actually feed the codependent in a variety of ways.
The codependent’s caretaking prevents the addict from bearing the responsibility for the consequences of the addiction and from recognizing the need for outside professional help. The emotional gain derived from ‘codepending’ (i.e., caring, helping, rescuing) is the feeling of being needed, making a difference and deserving of being loved and special.
A codependent relationship is a symbiotic one. Codependent people have tremendous difficulty separating themselves, setting a boundary between where they end and their partner begins, and between what is and is not their problem to fix.
The driving force of codependency is a deep sense of powerlessness, invisibility, worthlessness and fear of being left alone. Like all the other addictions, codependency serves as an escape from one’s own pain.
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About Daniel Linder, MFT
Relationships. I was born with a keen sense about relationships, was always assessing how close and intimate people are with each other. I had a knack for relationships. The importance of relationships cuts to the core of who I am. The combination of clinical training, 25 years of professional experience treating dysfunctional, non-intimate couples and families, as well as rigorous self analysis has given me a lot to work with. I put what seemed to come naturally to me under a microscope in an effort to break the process of building healthy relationships down to concrete essentials: Understanding of Basic Principles, Communication Skills, Self-realization and Intimacy.