Frequently Asked Questions

How does one demystify sexual attraction?

There may not be a more mystifying phenomenon than sexual attraction. When we are attracted to someone, our perceptions, motivation, thoughts, feelings and behavior are profoundly affected. Few things are more tantalizing than mutual sexual attraction. There are three basic components of sexual attraction: what ....

What is consensual agreement?

Consensual agreement (or group confirmation) is a key factor in the development of dependency and denial. Who was present during discovery? Who does the addict use with, or engage in the addictive activity with, on an ongoing basis? As the disease progresses, addicts tend to relate to peop....

How important is being "in love" when assessing the viability or quality of a relationship?

Many people wonder whether there is something inherently wrong or ominous if they do not feel “in love.” Being in love should not be a prerequisite in deciding whether or not to pursue a relationship, nor in assessing the long-term prognosis for, or quality of, any relationship. A common pitfall is to conf....

What is emotional withdrawal?

While physical withdrawal is clear-cut, evident by physical symptoms and is treated with medication; emotional withdrawal is subjective in nature, evident by disclosures regarding emotional changes, and is not treatable with medication. It is, however, no less real. Here again we might be bumping up against the influence of the ....

Does the ability to flirt mean that there is good chemistry?

Flirtation is another area where many people have difficulties. The problem isn’t flirtation itself. Just as we have seen to be true with sex, flirting can be stimulating and feel good. It’s a way to express interest and pique the other’s interest by sexualizing the communication. ....

When does the addict actually become addicted?

The usual response to this question is that there is no way to truly know. Words like ‘when’ are speculative, there is no way for anyone to really know. How long had s/he been addicted before there were visible behavioral changes and resultant problems? Common sense would tell us to assume that the addiction had been ....

Is codependency an addiction?

Codependency is an addiction, an addiction to another person. Just as an addict is driven by his need for relief through mind/mood-altering substances, the codependent person derives relief in the relationship s/he has with the addict. Codependency is putting someone else’s wants, ne....

What are the keys to a quality sustained recovery?

Coping with all of life's stresses is a difficult for anyone, but more challenging for the recovering person. Not only is the recovering person learning how to deal with being sober/abstinent (something s/he is unaccustomed to doing,) s/he must also gain the necessary experience and skills to transform the quality of h....

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About Daniel Linder, MFT

Daniel Linder

Relationships. I was born with a keen sense about relationships, was always assessing how close and intimate people are with each other. I had a knack for relationships. The importance of relationships cuts to the core of who I am. The combination of clinical training, 25 years of professional experience treating dysfunctional, non-intimate couples and families, as well as rigorous self analysis has given me a lot to work with. I put what seemed to come naturally to me under a microscope in an effort to break the process of building healthy relationships down to concrete essentials: Understanding of Basic Principles, Communication Skills, Self-realization and Intimacy.


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