Frequently Asked Questions

Why has "separation" become a term fraught with negative connotations?

Separation is often considered to be a last resort, meaning the relationship is over. The problem is believing that what is supposed to happen in a relationship is “to be together all of the time.” There is no way to integrate or make sense of what is happening when they are at odds, conflicted, ....

How do you distinguish between sexual and emotional intimacy?

Oftentimes sex gets confused with intimacy. Confusion is evident when words like, "We were intimate," "We made love," are used to describe what was actually a sexual encounter. A common misconception is that emotional intimacy naturally accompanies or will follow sex. Even great sex in no way guara....

Define an intimate relationship.

The quality of our relationships is a reliable measure of the quality of our lives. Our mental, emotional and spiritual well-being depend on the emotional nourishment our relationships provide. Intimate is a term that aptly describes an emotionally nourishing relationship. It follows that if our relationships ....

What is premarital counseling?

The best investment a young couple can make is in their relationship. Premarital counseling goes beyond prevention by preparing a couple for the rigors of a relationship and shaping its future and quality. It is intervention at the absolutely best time, when two people have just made a commitment ....

Is it true, once an addict, always an addict?

It’s probably every addict’s dream to one day be able to use a substance or engage in an activity recreationally or in a controlled manner. The only problem is that it is impossible to do so. Forgetting that addiction is permanent can (and often does) occur at any time during sobriety. It is also common for ....

Should sexual attraction ever be the basis for pursuing a relationship?

Few things are more tantalizing than mutual sexual attraction. When we are sexually attracted to someone, there is a synergistic interplay between our bodies, our emotions and our imaginations. The physical aspect (bodily arousal, sexual desire) is conscious and real, compelling enough by itself; unconscious and unmet ....

What is a "clean slate?"

A "clean slate" is a precursor to building rapport. It means entering into an encounter in the spirit of discovery, in a state of mind characterized by openness and spontaneity. It also means being in the moment. The first time two people are together, we can say in effect that a new play is about to open. The dialogu....

How well does the disease concept apply to addiction?

The disease concept had a humanizing effect and lessoned the impact of the stigma attached to alcoholism/addiction. This shift in perception ran counter to the prevailing ignorance at a time when alcoholism/addiction problems were associated with a lack of willpower and/or moral character. However, while the medical model led to a mo....

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About Daniel Linder, MFT

Daniel Linder

Relationships. I was born with a keen sense about relationships, was always assessing how close and intimate people are with each other. I had a knack for relationships. The importance of relationships cuts to the core of who I am. The combination of clinical training, 25 years of professional experience treating dysfunctional, non-intimate couples and families, as well as rigorous self analysis has given me a lot to work with. I put what seemed to come naturally to me under a microscope in an effort to break the process of building healthy relationships down to concrete essentials: Understanding of Basic Principles, Communication Skills, Self-realization and Intimacy.


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