Waiting a Year before Getting Involved with Someone once Sober.

Hi Daniel, -I googled- and landed on your article about Sober Relationships.  My name is xxxxx, xx yrs old.  I feel like you were right-on with many of your points, for example, "the sleeping giant" and "over-involvement" within a casual relationship.  I have quit drinking several times, I'm now at 67 days no booze and I feel lonely.  But like you mentioned, I have so much "baggage" from past relationships, I'm not sure how to Not unload on the guy I try to date.   I will try to wait a year, but what happens then?  I feel like even if I wait, there is soo much held up emotion, that any date or casual relationship will be catastrophic.  I think you may be able to give me some advise, or recommend some reading for me. Thank you,

Hello,

Thanks for your inquiry.

"I will try to wait a year, but what happens then?"

Don't underestimate waiting a year before getting involved in a sexually intimate relationship or dating or searching for such. Actually it's not waiting, but moreover committing to an extended period of intensive self-work, that is, developing your relationship with yourself. It's unlike that you'll be able to focus and prioritize if distracted by an emotionally tantalizing relationship. Consider your top priorities right now as extending your sobriety and establishing "connection stations" once a day every day. Those connection stations may be 12-step meetings, working the Steps with a sponsor, journaling, individual and group therapy, mindfulness practice, either working (being employed), working towards a career direction, or going to school.

Daniel