Finding Myself Alone from a Life Formerly Filled with Addicts…

I am a recovering addict working on recovery from my base addiction – food.
Somehow, I am finding myself alone a lot and feeling this lack of intimacy in my life that was formerly filled with addicts. I want to form new healthy relationships. Where do I begin? It?s been like this for along long time, and I feel that I did not learn to engage myself in wholesome activities from childhood.

Response from Daniel?..

You sound like you’re about to make some changes in your life. Your self-awareness is the key. Intensive self-work and increasing self-awareness have brought you face to face with the void you learned to fill by your addiction. Yes, you’re challenged by having never learned how to engage yourself in wholesome activities during childhood, or be with yourself, rely on yourself, nourish yourself, defer to yourself or call upon the friend you have inside of yourself; not insurmountable challenges. Restoring yourself, awakening, bringing yourself to life is possible given that the power within is infinite potential unlimited.

At this stage of recovery, you’re generally not ready to get involved in a (sexually) intimate relationship. When you haven’t yet discovered the refuge yourself, you’re running the risk of seeking refuge in a source outside of yourself, your dependency needs will likely sabotage your efforts. The aloneness you’re describing is a stage that is progress, which has made you realize there is a void and you’re longing for intimacy. There is no doubt you’re heading into a relationship at some point soon, the question is whether you’ll be prepared for the rigors of an intimate relationship.

Chances are you will attract someone at the relatively the same place of emotional development, that is, if you’re running that risk, the person you’ll attract will also be running the same risk. If you’ve done the necessary self-work, one that looks inward when there is doubt or frustration, you’ll attract someone in kind; thus increasing the
likelihood the relationship will be a healthy, intimate, emotionally nourishing and lasting one.

Based on the principle that relationships continue from where they begin, pursuing pre-marital or early stage relationship counseling when your next relationship does materialize could be the best investment you could possibly make. Based on the idea that the quality of your recovery depends on the quality of your relationships, makes gaining the understanding and skills necessary to create intimate relationship a top priority. Right now patience and trust in yourself is all you need to keep you on a path of recovery.

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author Daniel Linder
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