In the Throes of Porn and Sex Addiction

I love my wife allot, but I have not have sex with her for sometime, 1 year and every time she initiates I will stop her. I feel that she is my love and pure and innocent, I now turn to porn n pay for sex instead and I feel excited and great for this kind of outings with friends or alone. But after every time I feel guilty and want to change, when she tries to initiate I will stop her and do not want to link her with the sluts outside. I will feel pressure inside and stress. I want to change this, what can I do?

Response from Daniel?

The behavior and experiences you described indicate you are in the throes of porn, as well as, sex addiction. You are carrying on a secret relationship with (pornographic images) imaginary others and prostitutes for relief, which will make it virtually impossible to have real relationships with real people, i.e. your wife. You’ve become dependent on the excitement and rush they provide. It will also be virtually impossible for you to accurately and realistically assess the level of your involvement in these secret relationships given that denial is operating to preserve and maintain them.

The guilt and shame you’re feeling and the inability to be sexually intimate with your wife is another example of the disruption your addiction cause in your life. It appears that on some level you are aware that by maintaining this secret life, you’re out of integrity with yourself and that is creating a wedge between the two of you. You’re able to distinguish between your wife and those sluts that you don’t want to mix the two or continue carrying on “business as usual” is a sign of health, or mid stage as opposed to advanced stage of addiction.

If you don’t seek professional help or seek some kind of group support, i.e. sex addicts anonymous, it’s not likely you’ll be able to stabilize, that is, cut these relationships off on your own. It’s only after you’re stabilized that you will be able to explore the source of the pain and need to relieve the pain driving the addiction.

Feel free to use the www.RelationshipVision.com website as a resource for information, support and services.

Fast Addiction, Recovery CEU’s http://www.relationshipvision.com

author Daniel Linder
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