I have been married for 3 years.
I believe I am a Love addict. I have become pathologically obsessed with my wife’s sexual history (which is substantially higher in numbers than mine.)
We met while still in other relationships almost 8 years ago. Even though she cheated on her common law husband, She destroyed trust in us by maintaining a secret relationship with him after they had “broken up.”
This went on for a long time before I discovered it.
Later to get revenge, I had an affair for 4 months with somebody which my now wife discovered about 6 months after it had ended.
So our foundation is not great and currently we are struggling.
My question is this – I can’t sleep, I am obsessing about our relationship 24 hours a day and driving my wife nuts.
In the early years of our relationship the sex was unbelievable for me (and her too) we had a child 2 years ago.
Over the past 4 years sex has been in decline and now is once a month at best.
She thinks that’s ok – I don’t and lose my mind when we don’t have it more frequently.
I think I am a love addict and she is a love avoidant.
What can I do to try to end my turmoil ?
Response from Daniel…
“Obsessing about the relationship” can become a masturbatory and isolating endeavor that keeps you in your own world and perpetuates the status-quo. However, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are in the throes of a love addiction. It sounds like the two of you have stopped, or never started, communicating about the unresolved issues, i.e. trust, unmet emotional needs, plaguing the relationship. There is a lack of sexual, as well emotional intimacy. If the two of you are so motivated, couples therapy would give you an opportunity to explore and discuss the issues and begin working through them, perhaps make a new start. More important than what has happened in the past is where the two you want to go from here. If the desire and commitment to work on the relationship, it will be possible to re-build trust and achieve deeper levels of intimacy than the relationship has seen up to this point.
Fast Addiction, Recovery CEU’s http://www.relationshipvision.com