Revisitng, “No Intimate Relationships During the First Year of Sobriety!”

I know this was posted last year, but I would like to comment on it.

I believe that for a lot of people, waiting a year is very important. It’s also a guideline I used (until I met the man of my dreams in a meeting, sounds lame – but I really did. :-)

I met my boyfriend in late January, when I had just under six months sober. We have been together ever since, and we now live together. We both just celebrated a year (he is in July, I’m in August) and things are really great. My sponsor didn’t object because she met her husband of 15 years when she had three months sober and they have been together ever since.

I don’t know, I just think that this “rule” has to have some exceptions.. :-)

Response from Daniel….

“No Intimate Relationships During the First Year of Recovery” is a guideline not a rule per se. Of course there are always exceptions. It’s great your relationship is working out, as is your sponsor’s, however the odds of a relationship working out when recovering people get involved prematurely; that is when they’re working a sustaining sobriety, developing coping skills, a support system and the ability to rely themselves as a resource of nourishment, are against the relationship working out. We know the potential to look to another person, if not a substance, for relief when negative feelings are triggered, when emotionally overwhelmed, in the face of conflict, when the recovering person’s repertoire of coping mechanisms, resources are limited, when the person’s program is new and developing, he or she will be at much greater risk of relapse and the relationships that form are generally not healthy or lasting ones.

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author Daniel Linder
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