Cannot Walk Away from a Heroin addict

I have recently become acquainted with an old flame. As such, (We both liked each other when we were younger but never really got it together. We were best friends as I heard he was a heroin addict and I wanted to lend my support …One thing led to another and we ended up having a relationship (if that’s what you would call it.) Throughout this, even though I thought he was off it, he was still using a little every day. I am now wise to this …So after five months he finally got clean and three days into him being clean he said he didn?t feel the same way around me now that he?s sober. I just can?t understand (I mean I understand of course,) was he using me all along? He’s begging me to stay in his life and can we be friends, but I don?t know if it will be too hard. But also I don?t want to walk away as he is clean and he has no friends left…

Why did he change his mind so quickly about us?…(three days)

Response from Daniel?

Sounds like codependency is getting the better of you. Unconscious emotional needs and your own addictive tendencies make early stage recovering heroin addicts or any other early stage recovering addicts an irresistible magnet for you. In order for you to break this cycle of getting into doomed and dysfunctional relationships, it may be necessary to take a hiatus from relationships for awhile so you could do some intensive self-work, i.e. become more aware of the emotional hunger driving you and your own need for relief and distraction by being with others who have their problems and struggles to work on rather than your own. You a victim of your own delusions to think that you could possibly serve as his only friend, or be someone who could provide all of the emotional support he needs. The primary challenge in early recovery is to achieve a sustained period of stabilization (sober), build more of a sober support system, rigorous participation in a program and to not get into a sexually intimate relationship for at least a year.

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author Daniel Linder
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