How do you regain friendship only after you slept with someone that you would rather keep as a friend? You do not really jive sexually – message given by him…
Response from Daniel…
The lure of sex blinds a vast amount of people to the distinction between sex and intimacy or friendship. “Don’t make more of sex than it is” may be common sense wisdom we’ve heard before, but it’s actually vital knowledge, a key to our sanity. Yet, one of the greatest ironies of our time is that we’re conditioned to make more (or less) of sex than it is. There is also the tendency to lose sight of it being nearly impossible to remain unaffected after sex, when unconscious unmet emotional needs get triggered and our imagination is running wild. So many people fall into the trap of defining the relationship according to awkward moments of a premature sexual encounter, when their eyes were closed and they were unconscious or confused. Understand going in, expecting there to be emotional and psychological consequences after sex.
Fear not. You could turn this in lessons learned. You fell into this trap, but you could climb back to the present while keeping your top priority and ultimate purpose in mind. If friendship and intimacy is what you want, another basic principle takes precedence and becomes the basis for your next action step: Relationships are a joint-effort creations that begins with openness and honesty. Responsibility to communicate about what kind of relationship you want to have (if any at all) is implied. You could initiate a conversation with this guy.
As far as, “You do not really jive sexually – message given by him…” this brings you to
Principles four and five: “Don’t take it personally!” If you don’t jive (sexually) with your partner, or your partner doesn’t with you doesn’t reflect on either one of you personally. You may both decide that you want to continue the relationship and not have sex. You don’t have to have sex!
After sex honesty often begins with the realization that you feel more involved than you want to be and that despite having sex the night before, you haven’t a clue as to what kind of relationship you want to have, how intimate you could get or whether you even want to get together again. You may not have ever thought of it before, let alone open up the discussion.
This may be a test of your ‘pre-sex’ friendship. Sex doesn’t have be the end of a friendship especially when friendship is what you’re ultimtely after. This could be a seamless transition, a relatively easy one, to keep the relationship going and not have sex.